ah i can't take this

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 03:43:46 GMT

This poor girl. I feel horrible for her. She is in so much despair, crying her eyes out. I have no idea what's going through her head right now, but i do know, it's all about him. Everything she see's it makes her cry. She doesn't have any energy, she only wants to sleep. I wish i could be there for her and tell her it's all going to be ok. All she wants is for him to tell her, to make up, forget this all happened and start over. I want it to be that easy for her. She truthfully means a lot to me and i even get depressed watching all of this happen. When i look into her deep blue eyes i see more than a girl, i see what she really feels. All of this makes me realize, life isn't ever going to go the way you want to. It can but only if it's a miracle, or youre lucky.
My family isn't anything like that. My parents both have been through so much. How they can raise such crazy kids, i really don't know. I want to be like my dad, he always tells me i have no idea what he has been through, him telling me stories i can visualize it and feel the pain he does. I want him to know how much he's an influence on my life. My mom is more of an influence on my sister than me. Growing up, being mostly raised by my dad. Makes me feel luckier everyday that i have him. I hope i have him many more years, i pray and pray he'll be ok. He only wants me to be the best i can be because he knows what i'm able to do. I really want to prove to him, that i can do well in school AND still have a life. He tells me school and work was his life. That he barely had anytime for friends.

ehh idk but i suppose i should sleep.
:[

a long long while

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 03:10:13 GMT

i haven't had one of these bad boys in a while.
hahah i just got yelled at for singing too loud. i'm sure it sounded horrible. The new semester just started, i'm dreading it. I have ALL my main classes, i don't know how i'm going to handle being a hard worker when all my life i've been a slacker. Life is going well and bad at the same time. The swell things are that i'm being myself more and me and my sister are capable of having a converstation without fighting. The not so good things are that my father is sick and he really needs us right now, but at times it difficult to be there for him. Also many people recently have passed away that were important to our family.

Well, I've been single at least a year and 2 months. Crazy i know me being gorgeous and everything, ha. Not found a single guy who is worth my time. Most the men i know are hormonal right now and the only thing they want, well you know what they want. I want someone mature, someone who can handle me. I'm tired of these silly boys thinking serious relationships are when you date, but you don't actually go out. It's like school only, and esp when you never see the kid. wtf?

I'm doing well with the friends, i think i've chosen some good ones, luckily i haven't fought with any of them recently. I don't have very many in my classes, actually i have a lot of people i really don't like. Their imature-ness ruins the class, its hard to learn.

I FINALLY MADE IT in NAHS i thank the Lord for that. We have inductions tomorrow and i'm so excited. I've already bought an outfit and i'm ready to go. This experience has taught me soo much. I'm happy i continued on with it. I really do enjoy art and the people in NAHS. They're all amazing :] oh and the new people who got in are pretty fly too :]

I've realized i enjoy writing, mostly poetry but writing in this journal has inspired me, yes i know half my grammar isn't correct and my spelling isn't all that well, but being able to write really helps me release my emotions making me happier and happier as i write.

Something really depressing, my sister and her boyfriend broke up tonight. In away i think it was a good choice but then again i really don't know. She isn't a very open person esp with boys. She really keeps to herself most the time, from time to time she tells me certain stuff but sometimes she keeps it from me and i have to find out the hard way. I really enjoy that my sister and i are able to talk now. I can tell her so many things and she really understands. It amazes me how much we are alike.

Eh, i guess i should get some shut eye, since my semester is going to be rough. So nighty night i hope you enjoy reading this worthless journal it would make me oh so happy :]

Darling, i understand your situation. I feel your need to let go, just let go.

ah i can't take this

a long long while